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The Drunken Scallywag


In the food service industry, we get some crazies. That is, customers who are completely far out, incomprehensible; bonkers. This tale begins on a quiet Tuesday evening, where a few regulars were peacefully eating their dinner. Suddenly, a man bursts through, quite clearly reeling from alcoholic intoxication. I sighed, and rolled my eyes to my co-workers. He’d probably be a complete pain, and leave a mess.

Skip the food; he went straight for the jugular. Stumbling downstairs (a section that we clearly close off after 8pm), he was clearly headed to the toilets, or so I guessed. I guessed wrong, very wrong.

I looked at my colleague, and we both immediately said “I’m not going down there!”. Sadly, I wasn’t quite quick enough. I pursued the drunkard, who had made an awful racket stumbling down the stairs.

The scene that opened up before me was both hilarious and revolting at the same time. The merry gentleman was peeing all over the walls, and crossing swords (remember that childhood game?) with some imaginary companion. He acknowledged me, laughed, and carried on. Hearing the commotion next door, our manager appeared on the scene. Her face went from surprise, to horror, to anger as she realized what she was witnessing. “Get OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!” she screamed, chasing the gentleman from our establishment. He laughed merrily with childlike glee, stumbling up the stairs, and out into the cold night. We never saw him again. I like to imagine that he’s crossing streams with his imaginary friend in various places around the world, keeping the legend alive.

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